Top 5 Tips for Communicating with your Parenting Partner
If you have children, you have to communicate with your “parenting partner” in some capacity, but it doesn’t have to be years of drama. Some couples can learn to put their differences aside and do what is in the best interest of the children, but let’s face it, you divorced for a reason so the idea of great communication is not always feasible. My communication was causing me drama so here are some guidelines I now follow. These may help you as well. Please keep in mind that these are guidelines for communication under regular circumstances, not emergency situations.
- Guidelines: Make sure your parenting agreement or guidelines are written and well defined. Determine who has what responsibility and keep in mind that while you may be communicating nicely today, that could easily change tomorrow so protect yourself by defining parental guidelines now.
- Use Email: Email is a wonderful thing. It gives both parents the opportunity to write out what they are thinking and re-write it if necessary to make sure your message comes across correctly. Keep in mind that email can be used in a court of law.
- Text: Text each other if you are running late. Things happen and sometimes you get caught in traffic –life happens, but to avoid issues, simple common courtesy can be a great thing.
- Timing: Set times to talk and especially to FaceTime. I don’t want my ex intruding into my life with FaceTime whenever is convenient for him so we have a set time between 7 and 7:30 pm when we are waiting for his call. This allows us to be ready so that there are no hurt feelings if the phone wasn’t answered. This also gives me the opportunity to ask my daughter to take the call in her room so she can have privacy to speak with her father. I’m sure you can see several benefits here.
Now I’m not saying don’t take the call if your ex calls at 6pm, use your judgement, but it will cut a lot of drama from your life if you set a few rules.
- Outsource Communication: For some people there is no option except for a communication tool such as Talking Parents. Talking Parents is a free service, but there are many services out there that charge a small fee so find the one that best fits your needs.
A communication tool like this allows your communication to be monitored in a secure location and it can be the perfect tool in the case of any domestic violence, because you are communicating over a server not through a personal email address. The transcript cannot be changed only additions can be made to the communication record. It can be a good tool to use to show that the other parent is not communicating in a timely manner or is not cooperating according to your parenting plan.
